Cross Stitch Tips & News ~ February 13th 2010

I don't know about you, but if someone invites me to connect with them on a social networking site, such as Facebook or Twitter, and they don't have their photo as their avatar, I tend to ignore them.

Either they can't be bothered to upload their pic to the site (so why should I bother to connect with them) or they prefer to hide behind a cloak of anonymity (what else are they hiding?).

The same applies to blog comments, when it's clear that, whatever the mechanism of the site, some people have their photo next to their comment, and others don't. Instinctively, I think we place more trust in people's opinions if we can actually see the person - or their photo at least.

When I posted a comment on Jim Edwards' blog, I saw that a few people had their pics, but most did not, including me! That bugged me!

There seemed to be no way to register as a "member" of Jim's blog, so I dug deeper - and discovered the "Gravatar" service ("Globally Recognised Avatar").

Just enter your primary email address on the signup page, look out for the confirmation email, hit the confirmation link, and your account has been created.

Now you can upload your photo (a square image - 80 x 80 pixels is ideal) which will be associated with your primary email. You can add other email addresses and associate them with different pics if you like.

Now, whenever you post a comment on a blog which has "Gravator" activated (and a lot of them have), your pic will appear next to your comment if there is one associated with the email address you use in posting the comment.

That's all there is to it. Simple :-) I suggest that you go and set up your gravator right away. It will help to build your image and reputation online.

Cross-Stitch Tip:

Creating A Cross Stitch Journal

If you've any personal tips on cross stitching that you're willing to share with your fellow stitchers, send them to cross stitch tips and we'll include them in a future issue of Cross Stitch Tips & News.

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Here is Your 14-Day Story...

Your 14-day story rarely has any connection with cross stitch. What it does have is either an inspirational or a practical message (and sometimes both). Read it right through to the end and see if there's anything here you can use to improve your own life.

The Lesson: "The Woman Behind the Counter"

The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early.

Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I'm early to the airport; I headed toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it's a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.

However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.

In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, "looking" wouldn't be the right word -- "agonizing over" would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back ... a shame, I thought. He was so close.

But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment , he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.

For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn't the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.

He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50-ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men's Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):

"Sure you don't want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good..."

The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped.... As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. "Don't do it. Don't do it," I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.

I wanted to say something, but it wasn't my place. As he walked past, he didn't look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.

Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn't HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission -- every time I try to buy a magazi... I mean, a pack of gum... they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can't JUST be because they're really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.

We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether you've been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.

Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

I'll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn't have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.

How do you do this?

First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you're broke, start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you're alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you're heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.

Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances -- do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing -- you should too.

Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that's ok. It's not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you want to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don't be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.

This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:

Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE -- well, healthy, happy...

I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction...

But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who "must" love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words "I will always be this" ringing in his defeated ears.

We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for you future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.

When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.

(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, "That makes it worse ... he was such a nice guy.")

Kindra Hall

Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog: www.kindrahalltellsall.com (opens in a new window).

She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place.

(copyright 2009 KindraHallTellsAll)

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A Cross Stitch Journal for Our Readers ...

If you've read our tip of the week, you'll probably be very interested in our free gift.

We've created a beautiful electronic cross-stitch journal that features 3-D turning pages and allows you to record as many projects as you wish.

In this journal you have sections to list: The title of the project, the designer, when you started and finished, what you did with it upon completion, the size, fabric and threads, any embellishments you used, a place to put a picture of your finished piece, and section to record your personal notes.

Pause for a moment and imagine the pleasure this beautiful cross stitch journal will give you in the years ahead when you look back at the many projects you've stitched.

How do I get my Cross Stitch Journal?

Your cross stitch journal is delivered to you as an electronic download but is NOT in the normal PDF format.

To download your copy of the Cross Stitch Journal, go to the Patterns Patch home page and click on the Cross Stitch Journal link in the left nav panel to go straight to the download page.

To use the journal you need a special reader (don't worry! We've included it with your journal). You install the reader with a couple of clicks of your mouse.

Make sure you first read the "Read-Me-First" text file included with the journal. Full step-by-step instructions for installing both the reader and the journal, and getting started with the journal, are included.

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Membership For Fr'ee

If you'd like to win three months full membership to Patterns Patch for Fr'ee, why not take a look, it's really easy to enter.

Don't forget to search for the mystery word in this letter ~ Good Luck!

The latest winner(s) of our draw for Three-months membership to Patterns Patch for Fr.ee are:

*~* Linda McKenzie *~* & *~* Jodene Pereira *~*

"Well done Linda and Jodene, you're nearly there! All you have to do is email us to Accept and Activate your prize!" (and please write "competition winner" in your email).

The number of entries goes up each issue, so an increasing number of you are building up credits and enhancing your chances of being a future winner.

Commiserations to those who entered and didn't win this week. But hey, perseverance is a virtue; try again next time ~ it could be YOU!

And for those of you who didn't enter, why not? Don't you want this valuable gift? (Please remember! Only one entry per person, per issue.).

You've got to be in it TO WIN IT!

Silver (formerly Associate) Membership

To overcome the problem of "spammers" accessing our new chat room, we've created a Silver Membership, which is fr*e, but limits access to just the chat rooms and our community forums (the Cross Stitch forum and Intros/General forum). Silver members will also qualify for a 20+% discount on some of the patterns in our Cross Stitch Store.

(Note that only patterns that have been in our Cross Stitch Library for three months or more, will be offered for general sale in our store).

If you want to join Patterns Patch as a Silver member and enjoy access to the chat rooms and community forums, please join here. The subscription form is easy to use and only asks for: your name, email address, login name and passw*rd (you choose these last two yourself).

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Something Relevant?

"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly."

Thomas H. Huxley
1825-1895, Biologist

{Ed - this was written well over 100 years ago and is just as true today. Self discipline and focus moves mountains...}